To help our teen to clean his own room here are some steps that can be taken to help motivate him.
THROW OUT ITEMS THAT HAVE NOT BEEN TOUCHED FOR A YEAR.
In our case, an overhaul of the room was definitely in order. He had toys and books in his closet from when he was in elementary school and clothes that he has grown out of. We made took everything out of his closet and drawers and placed them in several piles. One pile was items that he wanted to keep. One pile was for toys and books that were in good condition but were no longer used. This pile we donated to a charitable organization. The other pile was for trash.
ORGANIZE THE ITEMS IN THE “KEEP” PILE.
The idea behind this step is that when a room is organized, it is a lot less overwhelming to tidy up and clean. Once the items not being used were gone, I let my son decide where and how he wanted his room organized. He placed his clothes how he wanted them in his drawers or hung in the closet. Storage organizers were purchased to place games, electronics, models, hobbies and whatever else was saved. I already had a bookshelf in place so that all his books could be compiled so that he could easily read the titles and retreive them when he wanted.
UPDATE THE ROOM IF NECESSARY.
We also took this opportunity to update his room from a child’s room to a teenager’s room. I thought that if he was happy with the room and had a hand at decorating it the way he wanted, that he would also take care of it. People want to take care of things that they are proud of.
SET EXPECTATIONS FOR WHAT HE AND YOU EXPECT.
Since cleanliness to me and cleanliness to my son meant different things. We had a discussion about what a “clean room” meant to him and what I thought of when I talked about a “clean room”. You would be surprised at how different these two definitions can be.
We compromised on the actions that it would take to keep the room at the agreed upon cleanliness level. We decided what steps he would take to maintain this level and what steps I would take to maintain it. We also decided on how many times a week these actions would take place and a deadline during the day when these actions would need to be done. Finally, we agreed that if the actions were not done at the agreed upon time, that I as the parent reserved the right to change the rules or impose a suitable punishment. One example of a suitable punishement that seems to be effective for my son is that he would have to pay me a quarter if he did not have his bed made and the dirty clothes in the laundry room by the time he left for school in the morning. I figure, if I had to go behind him and do his work, then I he needed to pay for the maid service.
Read more: How to Motivate Your Teen to Clean His Room | eHow.com
Anak-anak adalah anugerah Allah Yang Maha Kuasa. Mereka adalah amanah yang perlu dijaga dengan tulus ikhlas. Mereka memang berbeza….
Puteri sulungku seorang yang berterus terang dan selalu berkongsi suka duka. Boleh diharap dengan kerja-kerja rumah, memang ringan tulang. Seorang yang boros dan suka membeli belah Suka bersukan dan berjogging. Sangat sensitif dan mudah terasa tetapi mudah mesra dengan sesiapa sahaja. Walaupun perwatakannya agak kasar pada luaran tapi hatinya lembut dan penyayang.
Putera kedua agak pemalu dan pendiam. Suka membaca komik, melukis dan menghadap komputer. Banyak menghabiskan masa dengan kawan-kawan. Sangat memilih dalam berkawan tetapi setia apabila sudah berkawan dengan seseorang. Sangat taat pada ibu bapa, dan banyak mengalah dengan adik-adik. Tapi dalam bab belajar, liat sangat, baik buat homework mahupun ulangkaji. Bab mengurus diri memang tak pandai. Segala-galanya aku kena siapkan.
Puteri ketiga seorang extrovert. Suka berkawan, dan seorang yang sentiasa ceria. Minat mendengar lagu-lagu Inggeris. Sebut saja lagu apa, dia sudah menghafalnya. Seorang yang peramah dan suka membeli hadiah untuk keluarga, kawan-kawan dan guru. Sangat komited dalam pelajaran dan bercita-cita tinggi melanjutkan pelajaran ke luar negara.
Putera keempat, seorang yang sangat sensitif tapi penyayang. Sangat tegas. Putih katanya, putihlah, hitam katanya, hitamlah. Masa lapangnya diisi dengan membaca Al-Quran dan buku-buku agama. Tidak boros dan pandai berjimat cermat, dan sangat mengambil berat tentang kebersihan dan penampilan diri. Sesuai menjadi pemimpin masa depan.
Putera kelima seorang tangkai jering. Tidak boleh berkongsi barang dengan orang lain. Seorang yang boros dan suka berbelanja. Sangat bercita-cita tinggi. Suka lagu-lagu nasyid dan baik hati dengan kawan-kawan. Sangat susah nak minta tolong kalau tidak diberi ganjaran atau upah.
Putera keenam, aduhai, kuat makan. Umur baru mencecah 6 tahun, tapi berat badannya dah sama dengan budak Tahun 6. Memang nakal dan mulut murai, tetapi rajin membaca buku cerita. Sangat aktif berlari dan bermain. Walaupun berbadan besar, tetapi penakutnya bukan main. Pergi ke bilik air pun masih berteman.
Puteri ketujuh, puteri bongsu kesayangan kakak dan abang. Berbadan kurus seperti tak cukup makan. Petah berkata-kata serta suka menulis dan melukis. Sebelum tidur, kena garu di belakang badan, barulah dia terlena.
Perbezaan merekalah yang mewarnai kehidupanku sebagai seorang ibu Dalam diri merekalah aku dapat melihat jelmaan sifat-sifat diriku dan suamiku…….
Artikel ini telah disiarkan dalam Ruangan Sembang Midi Majalah MIDI keluaran Jun 2007 dengan nama pena Maryam Jamilah.
Saya mahu berkongsi dengan para ibu mengenai kerenah anak-anak yang suka berkelahi. Lazimnya jika kita punya anak-anak yang agak rapat usianya, ada masa-masa tertentu mereka berkelahi.
Bukan setakat berbalah mulut, bahkan kalau lelaki lebih lasak…. apa lagi, bertumbuklah. Alhamdulillah, anak-anak saya tidak sempat bertumbuk setakat ini. Sempatlah mereka saling berbalas pukulan seperti menyepak dan menampar tetapi tidak pernah lagi saya biarkan mereka berkelahi sampai berguling-guling atau salah seorang naik ke atas yang lain.
Saya buat begitu kerana teringat Nabi s.a.w pernah berpesan agar jangan dibiarkan anak berkelahi. Sudah lama jumpa hadis itu. Sekarang belum sempat lagi buat rujukan mengenai hadis tersebut dan statusnya. Insya Allah, bila berpeluang atau terjumpa secara tidak sengaja, saya update kandungan entry ini.
Oh ya… biasa terjadi, bila anak-anak berkelahi, ibubapa pun turut ‘naik angin’… itu lah sebabnya ada anak-anak yang berbirat-birat badannya. Bolehkah dipukul sedemikian rupa? Hmmm… saya tidak mahu sentuh hal itu di sini. Apa yang mahu dikongsi ialah pengalaman saya menangani masalah anak suka berkelahi. Kalau berbalah kecil-kecilan itu mudah dipujuk dan dileraikan. Yang menjadi masalah besar ialah perkelahian yang melibatkan aksi ganas. Ia turut men’stress’kan kita terutama ibu yang lebih banyak menghabiskan masa bersama anak-anak.
Antara yang saya pernah CUBA buat ialah membaca ayat Kursi 9 wakaf. Antara tujuan bacaan ayat Kursi ialah menghalau syaitan. Jadi bila anak berkelahi, kita baca untuk menghalau syaitan dalam diri kita dan syaitan yang sedang mengacau anak-anak kita. Barulah kita dapat bertenang dahulu dan kemudiannya baru kita mendekati anak-anak yang sedang berkelahi untuk menegur mereka. Alhamdulillah, pergaduhan mereka mudah dileraikan.
Jika kita pun sudah ‘naik angin’ dahulu… ia akan memarakkan lagi suhu panas yang sedia ada. Sebagai ibu, kita perlu lebih banyak mengingati Allah. Syaitan akan masuk dari mana-mana penjuru untuk merosakkan pendidikan anak-anak kita. Memang benar, kita perlu belajar teori pendidikan anak-anak namun tanpa bantuan Allah, segala pengetahuan dan usaha kita sangatlah lemah. Oleh sebab itulah kita perlu banyak ingat Allah dan sentiasa berdoa untuk memohon pertolongannya.
Insya Allah, jika ibu-ibu mampu menguasai diri dengan ingat Allah, kita akan diberi mampu menguasai anak-anak. Banyak kes penderaan kanak-kanak yang berlaku mutakhir ini disebabkan ibubapa atau penjaga hilang daya menguasai diri. Akhirnya berlaku penganiayaan pada insan yang masih suci dan tidak berdosa.
Kesan zikrullah juga akan membuatkan ibu-ibu rasional dalam mengambil tindakan pada anak-anak. Jika marah, marah kerana Allah… bukan kerana emosi. Jika perlu pukul pun, pukul kerana Allah.. bukan kerana nafsu ammarah… Marah dan pukul kerana Allah itulah yang akan melentur peribadi anak-anak. Marah dan pukul kerana emosi dan ego sendiri itu hanya akan membuatkan anak-anak semakin keras serta bertambah jauh dari ibubapanya sendiri. Na’uzubillah.
Aku mohon ampun kepadaMu ya Allah… atas segala kelemahanku memelihara dan mendidik insan-insan yang dipinjamkan olehMu padaku…
Anak-anak itu bukan milikku…
Tetapi sekadar amanah yang dititipkan dalam rahimku dan Engkau akan bertanya di akhirat kelak… apa yang telah kulakukan terhadap mereka…
Dan bantulah aku mendidik mereka untuk mengabdikan diri kepadaMu.
Oleh : Ummu Abbas
In this modern age, family closeness has been threatened by a competitive culture and great technological change. Many families are suffering from such issues as separation, turmoil, selfishness and for some, domestic violence. Traditional education within the family and neighborhood structure has been overtaken by television.
While television in moderation can play a positive role in children’s lives, excessive viewing and using the television as a babysitter has resulted in children learning predominantly negative values, including the presentation of a false idea of what equates to happiness and fulfillment. When the whole family is swayed by the false ideology of pursuing outer happiness at the expense of inner contemplation, everyone feels unhappiness. In this article, you’ll learn how to begin shaping a spiritually happy family.
- Create a family identity. Forging a family identity together can create a sense of cohesion and purpose as a family. Begin by finding a family motto that each member of the family has contributed to, whether by way of words, ideas, or reflections.
- What will your family motto be? Write a family vision statement. Describe your family’s goals and dreams. Also write down what your family likes to do.
- Work together. A happy family depends on teamwork. Every member of the family should feel that he or she has a stake in wanting to have a happy family life. Create guidelines in your family for how you can work together as a team.
- Start with simple chores and work your way up to shared vacation plans and learning new things together.
- Nurture your children’s positive features. The first step to guiding your children to become resilient is to foster positive values. The most important values are love, wisdom, self discipline, inner peace and happiness.
- Explain to your family that the property of love means that you are positive to yourself, to your family, and to the whole world. Encourage each of your children to live for the happiness of all beings and, at the same time, develop their own happiness.
- Show children that wisdom is to live healthily, to think positively, to read spiritual books, and to relax often enough. As a parent, recognize that it is difficult to educate some children to wisdom when they like to eat sweets, watch TV, and do only what they want to. As children grow, they are in a constant struggle between short- and long-term thinking, and as a parent, it is your role to guide them in learning how to tune into their deeper selves, to delay instant gratification, and to realize the virtues of self-discipline.
- Turn your children into winners. Ally yourself with the wisdom within your children and strengthen their predominantly positive characteristics. The best approach is to emphasize the positive actions and traits and to ignore their negative behavior, if this is possible.
- Lead by example: be strong, clear, and show them the value of freedom to make choices and to think for themselves. Children learn primarily by watching positive role models, with education supplementing what they have already learned from those they trust and love the most.
- Create the environment for inner peace. Inner peace is very important for every family. Protect your children from sensory overload, which means in particular, protecting them from too much television.
- One hour of quality TV per day is the maximum amount suitable for children. While it would be even better to abolish the TV, few families have the courage to go to this extent. Instead, be sure to provide your children with regular and clear structures within the family environment. Through instituting routine and good examples in the household, peace will descend upon the family and your children will immediately pick up on the change for the better.
- Encourage and guide your children to implement their own sense of self-discipline. A long-term positive and fulfilling life is only possible when we grow into adults with a sound sense of self-discipline, and the sooner you are able to provide the means for this in their lives, the better.
- Read How to raise no TV children, How to get your children away from TV, and How to set television rules for your kids.
- Anchor all thoughts in the positive. Encourage all family members to learn to pay attention to their thoughts. Do this by having regular honest discussions, positive activities, and positive rituals, such as eating together, telling stories, reading spiritual books, singing songs, saying prayers, and practicing meditation, etc.
- In your family, avoid succumbing to using consumption as a means of activity and reward; rather, look for inspiration in seeking inner happiness through non-material pursuits and through living one another, and spending time together.
- Help each family member work through their spiritual concerns and needs; give each family member clear points of reference to work from in order to avoid confusion. This will include explaining your own beliefs, and being honest about the shortcomings of many modern day promises of happiness.
- Work with a spiritual role model. In addition to consistently focusing on your child’s positive actions and efforts as a means to building their inner resilience and confidence, it is vital to provide your child with a specific spiritual role model. Ultimately, having a spiritual role model provides your child with a sense of support and purpose to draw on when seeking to lead a positive life. Most people need the inspiration of a positive role model to walk the long path of inner happiness.
- The model is the consolidation of all positive qualities in one person. It shows us that it is possible to realize inner happiness and to lead a happy life. There are many different models for the path of inner happiness. Find those role models who inspire our children personally.
- Be sure that to include positive stories. The story books are full of good stories, and often it is the stories that help a child relate to a particular spiritual model. Tell these stories by heart, or read them aloud. Or devise stories yourself. Find stories in which the model wins over all the bad guys in the world, helps the weak and realizes enlightenment (a life in God, Goddess Yoga, find the great treasure), etc.
Happy Family Song
- Spiritually attuned people tend to be happier than nonspiritual persons. The greatest gift we can give our children is a spiritual upbringing. In doing so, we enable them to be the masters of their own life. We give them the knowledge of the path of inner happiness, and we empower them to a happy and positive life.
- A wise education is neither too harsh nor too liberal. It sets clear boundaries and yet, at the same time, gives the child sufficient space for self-determination. In the long term, the goal is to let each child find his or her own way, while you continue to assume the responsibility as a parent to ensure a positive upbringing.
- Each family will need to exercise its own form of spiritual practice. For example, find your own spiritual ledger, your own role models and your own rituals (daily exercise). Develop a form of spirituality in which you feel comfortable and that suits the family.
- In spiritual practice, it is important that we stay in touch with our inner truth. And the daily practice must not be an empty ritual; instead be creative and constantly change to keep it vital, such as finding new words, or trying out new exercises, so that the feeling remains genuine. Only true feelings cause spiritual growth. Only mantras (prayers, reading, meditation) with a real sense of participation lead us to self-realization.
Source : wikihow.com
With as many as 50% of all children being overweight in this country, parents are beginning to realize that something must be done. There is no shortage of information about nutrition and exercise, but the task of helping an overweight child without setting them up for a lifetime of dieting is a daunting challenge. Parents who understand the five truths of getting a child’s weight on track can begin to address the issue in a healthy and effective way.
Truth #1: Parents are the problem AND the solution. Heavy kids eat too much and they don’t get enough exercise. It’s that simple. Parents of overweight children must own up to the fact that they are allowing and enabling their children to eat too much and move too little. Once parents accept this, they will begin to understand that they have tremendous power to solve their child’s weight problem.
Truth #2: Kids need to be educated. You may know how much, and what kinds of foods your child should eat. And you may expect that your children have the common sense to know, too. But did it ever occur to you that your children really don’t know? They understand that too much is bad and that some foods are better than others. But without education, they have no idea why, or what effects eating too much of the wrong things have on how they look and feel in their daily lives. Once they are educated, children take great pride in becoming good stewards of their own bodies through activity and nutrition.
Truth #3: An overweight child is a family issue. Whether one, some or all in a family are overweight, solving a child’s weight problem must become a priority for the entire family. Otherwise, a child can feel singled out, different and ashamed. Getting the whole family involved helps with the child’s self-esteem by letting them know they are part of a powerful team that will help ensure success.
Truth #4: Your child has an “ideal weight.” No two children are alike, but your child does have a “normal” weight range based on their height, gender and age. They also require a set number of calories each day. Knowing a child’s normal weight range and knowing how many calories they require is fundamental to getting their weight on track.
Truth #5: Parents need a plan. Losing weight is not rocket science. But changing the habits and lifestyle of a family in today’s busy world is difficult and multi-dimensional. Especially when the emotional well-being of a fragile overweight child is at stake Parents need a plan and they need perseverance. Many parents fail because don’t have a solid, long-term plan for success.
Source : http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com
We say yes, teens say no.
Even Shakespeare wrote about it – the contrary nature of teens. Romeo and Juliet were given strict orders to stay away from each other but neither did. And the young couples in Midsummer Night’s Dream running off into the forest? That might have earned those teens a trip to the Nunnery, which was a sort of Elizabethan teen military school. Sound familiar to our time? Actually teen posturing aginst parents has a very important developmental function, and understanding the “hidden language” of adolescent oppositionality can keep our responses on the right track.
Just as there is a spurt in height during the adolescent period, there is a spurt in identity development as well. Identity in teens is a lot like a building on a Hollywood movie set. The exteriors, hair, clothes, and makeup, set the tone while the important work of identity development occurs behind the scenes. Even teen facial expressions, ranging from grimaces to sarcastic glances, keep parents and adults from seeing past the attitude revealing the fact that teens find out who they are not long before they discover who they are. In other words, teens will experiment with dress and behavior in order to “try on” adult identities. For most, this is a temporary fix until transitional challenges like getting a first job or moving away to college become the formative influences on identity. But for others, actually fewer than the media tends to portray, oppositionality becomes an easier path to identity formation. For those teens, either behaving like a psuedo-adult with extreme independence from parenteal limits, or negative identifications with a drug using crowd offer a “quick fix” to the identity formation challenge.
Why aren’t we successful as parents simply controlling these independent behaviors and filling teens’ time with things we want them to identify with , maybe religious activities or sports? Research suggests that teens still engage in identity exploration even when strict limits and strong guidance from parents are set in place. Stronger authoritarian messages about who teens will become can cause identity exploration to go “underground” even if it is not revealed in black tee shirts and torn jeans. More frightening behaviors such as self-cutting can mark an identity struggle that has turned into depression because the teen can’t find a way to talk about these confusing changes in his or her sense of self.
Rather than using the same method of influence over teens used when they were much younger, parents who acknowledge that the advice or limits have to make sense in a teenager’s mind play a much greater role in the outcome of the situation. Examples and parent predictions have to be relevant to the adolescent’s world in order to sink in. For example, being critical of the “death warmed over” look of black eyeliner against a chalky white blush by making statements about embarassing herself or what other people will say won’t go nearly as far as asking why she thinks a friend of hers has started wearing her makeup this same way. So, while teenagers continue to hide the key that unlocks the door to their inner selves during this adolescent stage, we can let them know that we understand the challenge they face in finding themselves and how lonely it can be while they are stuck behind the door of identity development
By Dave Paltin, PhD
Source : http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com